His Light in Darkness

We are living in a VERY Dark area and there have been many times that I have been overwhelmed, but I have never really felt depressed here...until we returned from our quick surprise trip back to the US to surprise our families. Last time we were home, I was having a baby, and then dealing with a colicky newborn for 3 months so I really didn't think too much about myself, my needs, desires, ect. This time, I found myself longing to have good talks with girlfriends, I wanted to go shopping, I wanted to be selfish and drive wherever I wanted to go. When we returned from the states, I started reading our newspaper that we get here. The crimes against women are so frustrating and then my Indian friends and I have been talking about all the bad things that have happened to us here....it is overwhelming at times.

I have always loved people. Trusted them, believed the best...until now. It is a matter of protection here. If you are a woman, you dress in long shirts and baggy pants to go places, you don't look at men, you never stop to chat, and you NEVER go alone. I think the freedom I had in America really killed me this time. Before kids, Levi and I did everything or I could easily run around with all the American girls that were here.  Now I've got two little ones and life has changed a lot. Most would say that it is the weather. Because of the bad winter, I'm unable to get out and meet people where I live. This will last until the end of Febuary.

I have been feeling so lonely, so trapped, so bogged down with the lostness in those who come to my house every day and stay for hours. Why can't they understand the truth, the way? For the first time in my life, I was beginning to feel some weird form of depression....

THEN...we had several random visitors in a row...most were men, but one of the men decided to come back with his family. His wife and two boys. They live in a village that is not easy to live in and they are awesome. His wife was sent by the Lord to speak to me. To remind me why we are here. To show me His truth and His freedom. That night we stayed up to the wee hours as I poured out my brokenness  in a different language to a friend I had never met, who hardly spoke English... that night she listened, loved me, and we spoke to the Father together. I've never needed a girlfriend like I did that night. He sent her just for me. As they spoke of all that He is doing in their village, in that area of the state, I remembered that He is moving...despite my frustration, my hardships....He is alive and I can trust Him to always provide....even if it is not exactly how I thought!