From the heart

We've been doing a lot of thinking these days...about who we are and who we want to be...about how we've changed, about the Lord....and though I find it hard to write out these thoughts without rambling on and on, I will attempt to share with you the workings of our hearts, if you will. I must preface this by saying that we have a deep love and perhaps an increasing pride in the US. I am very, very proud to tell others here that I am an American and in no way do I ever wish to be part of another country. We have downloaded every "patriotic song" we can think of (we did this for July 4th) and they always end up on the playlist when we take long road trips. :) We are so thankful for the roots that we have and we plan on passing these "roots" down to our children as best we can. I believe many people get so confused when they see us living overseas and tell themselves, "oh, they just don't like America" or "it is so easy for them, they just don't have the roots we do" or even, "they are just closer to the Father than we are"....All of these ideas are very false. In fact, for Levi and I it is a daily battle to be obedient to where we know the Father has us. We MISS home so much. We LONG for our families, our friends to know Wyatt, to help us raise him well, to give us insight and advice....We still feel like we NEED that so much! We battle! But when we go before the Father he reminds us that "his grace is sufficient for us, for in our weakness he is made stronger" It is not that we are "closer to him" it is that we are weak here.

We are more needy than ever before! What do I do with the people that are living under tarps just a couple of miles down the road? How do I handle all the beggars in my face every day? How do I cope with the fact that every morning I see my landlords (who have become like family) lighting a fire and putting seeds on it as they pray to statues who will do NOTHING for them. How do I process the fact that everyone I have told good news to in the past 2 years have not accepted? What do I do with all the idols that surround me? How do I tell everyone that Wyatt will not be worshiped on the day where they worship babies? Life here is HARD and HUMBLING....because we struggle, because we battle every day. So many times I have this "idea" of the perfect America where life is so easy, and everything would be so great if only we were back...and then the Father reminds me of how this time on the battlefield has refined my heart, my soul, my spirit. I am not the same...WE are not the same. We used to fight over so many petty things and I would continue fighting just to "win". (I could always win if I fought long enough:) Now, the Father has brought that pride to light and I am able to hold my tongue and practice restraint ( a new thing in my life!) I understand that to live a life in Him means to have self control and to love others. I also used to be so vain. I was so consumed in the way I looked or what material possessions I could find...that has also been stripped of me here and I don't miss it at all. I see the world through new eyes now. I have grown in wisdom, in love, in grace.

So we are here because the Father has told us to come. He tells everyone in Matt. to be involved in one way or another...for us, it was this way. We knew it, he confirmed it and we have not been told to leave. So we will stay as long as he allows and tells us to stay. You may think, but you are needed in America too...we say, no...that is what you are there for! If He hasn't told you to go, then you are being told to stay so that you can fulfill the command in Matt. 28:19-20. We are all commanded to fulfill this in one way or the other. For us, it was a scary step of faith that took us across the world. What will it look like for you?