His Light in Darkness

We are living in a VERY Dark area and there have been many times that I have been overwhelmed, but I have never really felt depressed here...until we returned from our quick surprise trip back to the US to surprise our families. Last time we were home, I was having a baby, and then dealing with a colicky newborn for 3 months so I really didn't think too much about myself, my needs, desires, ect. This time, I found myself longing to have good talks with girlfriends, I wanted to go shopping, I wanted to be selfish and drive wherever I wanted to go. When we returned from the states, I started reading our newspaper that we get here. The crimes against women are so frustrating and then my Indian friends and I have been talking about all the bad things that have happened to us here....it is overwhelming at times.

I have always loved people. Trusted them, believed the best...until now. It is a matter of protection here. If you are a woman, you dress in long shirts and baggy pants to go places, you don't look at men, you never stop to chat, and you NEVER go alone. I think the freedom I had in America really killed me this time. Before kids, Levi and I did everything or I could easily run around with all the American girls that were here.  Now I've got two little ones and life has changed a lot. Most would say that it is the weather. Because of the bad winter, I'm unable to get out and meet people where I live. This will last until the end of Febuary.

I have been feeling so lonely, so trapped, so bogged down with the lostness in those who come to my house every day and stay for hours. Why can't they understand the truth, the way? For the first time in my life, I was beginning to feel some weird form of depression....

THEN...we had several random visitors in a row...most were men, but one of the men decided to come back with his family. His wife and two boys. They live in a village that is not easy to live in and they are awesome. His wife was sent by the Lord to speak to me. To remind me why we are here. To show me His truth and His freedom. That night we stayed up to the wee hours as I poured out my brokenness  in a different language to a friend I had never met, who hardly spoke English... that night she listened, loved me, and we spoke to the Father together. I've never needed a girlfriend like I did that night. He sent her just for me. As they spoke of all that He is doing in their village, in that area of the state, I remembered that He is moving...despite my frustration, my hardships....He is alive and I can trust Him to always provide....even if it is not exactly how I thought!

What a day in my life looks like

Well, this may be the #1 question I get while in America..."What does a day in your life look like?"

The truth is, the answer to this is always changing because my life is fluid...meaning it is NEVER the same. I enjoy a little structure here and there, so I try to set up some routine but we travel at least 10 days out of the month...so that makes life crazy...but while we are at home (we as in the boys and I) this is what my day looks like:

6am- everyone wakes up
6-8- diapers are changed, breakfast is eaten, the garbage guy comes by and asks for all our garbage, the newspaper guy comes and delivers our paper, and we play
8-10- Levi's office hours (if he is at home) This is when he goes into our bedroom and has time with the Lord and works on work stuff
8-9- we play in the play room
9-Tate goes to sleep and Wyatt and I do crafts, read books and sing new songs
10- Levi normally leaves to do what needs to be done and Rupa (my house helper) comes over and starts washing dishes and cleaning our floors (I know, biggest blessing of my life!) Wyatt and I play for another hour (sometimes this play involves laundry, cleaning the house, ect.) and most days our neighbors come over around this time
11-Tate wakes up and we all play with our  neighbors, go outside, play in the playroom, ect.
12-we eat between 12 and 2
2-Nap time for Wyatt and Tate
4-Time to get outside and take a walk
6-we try to eat around this time, then we read books, sing songs, say our verses, and pray together before bed
7-Bedtime for both the boys!
7-9-my quiet time and office time
9-10 or 11- Levi and I get to hang out

Well, there you have it! This is an organized typical day of my life...What I can't write down is the daily unexpected visits where I drop all plans and serve a random guest, the long visits we have with shopkeepers on our daily walks where we sit, eat a snack and fellowship, the fact that we are NEVER alone as a family for a whole day...almost NEVER! ;)

I have always been one to really desire the unexpected, and living overseas meets that desire in EVERY way! I love the fact that my day never looks like the day before, that I plan my life out only to have it change every time, that I am always entertained by simple things such as taking walks because something random always happens!  Although it can be frustrating, it is so beautiful and so much fun! I can't imagine leaving this life (the life we have known for 4 out of our 5 years of marriage) and returning to a life where there are very few variables. Perhaps it would be refreshing, but also a little boring! ;)

Our surprise trip home

Because we left America in June, we were unsure if our return so soon was a good idea. We felt like we were letting down our friends here by not participating in Christmas activities, but we took the plunge and didn't look back...I must say it was worth every dime spent, lack of sleep, and weeks of sickness that came with the 4 weeks in America. When we went home for 6 months to have Tate, our life was a whirlwind and I felt as if I missed so many moments. I spent the whole time back living life as if I had never left. I was too exhausted to have hard conversations about my new life, the ways I have changed, or even different perspectives. No one asked about life in India, and I was ok with that. This time, things were different. I found myself longing to share, but unsure of how to do so. I didn't want to, but I do feel that I dominated conversations with family in an effort to cram 4 years of my life into 4 weeks of time....desperately trying to be sensitive, yet understood. Trying to love, yet be truthful about the things I struggle with in America and I found myself exhausted, yet in many ways finally able to express so many emotions, feelings, and ideas that have been trapped inside for years now. 

A friend told me about a blog she read where someone said, "If America is blue and South Asia is yellow, then I am green." The lady didn't fit in America anymore, but would never truly fit in South Asia so she always found herself hanging in the middle. This is me. I am green!

A few pics from our trip to the states

 It was an exhausting trip! This is a pic of the boys asleep in the airport at Detroit. Took a long time to get home and it was probably the hardest so far just because of the ages of the boys.

 These moments were worth it all. This is the kids from Lindsey's side eating together at Mo and Pop's house.(Lindsey's mom and dad)

 This is at Nana and Dede's house (Levi's mom and dad)

These are the lights that our cousins always put up. Something we miss so much in India!

just waiting

Have you ever felt like you were waiting on something in life? Well, these days I have a list of things we're waiting for! Here are a few of them:

1. A house- We have been living out of boxes and suitcases for 10 months! 10 MONTHS!!! We packed our bags in November to start our transition back to America for 6 months and all our stuff is still in boxes...I give myself pep talks that typically sound like this, "that stuff in boxes is just stuff" "You are hard-core, you don't need a home to be happy", "don't be materialistic, you don't REALLY NEED all that stuff"...and so far that has worked...but last week someone told us the house that we think we really want is about to be open so my hopes were up and then dashed when we were told it would be Sept. 15 before it would really be available...in that moment I decided it was time for me to have a bad day...Levi has a tendency to get bad days and I pamper and baby him because that is what a woman does...what does Lindsey get when she has a bad day? I get the "man up" speech....so, needless to say, I took the privilege of educating Levi on the importance of me being a girl and having a bad day  once in a while and how he needs to figure out how to find ways to respond to a woman since there is only one in this house right now, but she can pitch a pretty good fit if I really need to!
2. The rain to stop- oh rainy season! So great for the crops here, but so miserable for us! I am finding ways to redeem the time we are stuck in the house by letting wyatt cook with us, play in every kind of mess I can think to put in the bathroom (so I can clean it easier), marching, jumping, dancing around the house as we sing silly songs and laugh, and then taking walks in the couple of hours the rain stops. We have seen many vehicles going off the road these days as the fog is awful and people don't always drive the best around here. Just last week a bus had a blowout and over 40 people died, so many more were injured because people around here travel on top of buses too...rainy season can get depressing for more reasons than one.
3. I am waiting for the Lord to quit beating me up about the poverty in this country and where I fit in that. I feel like the Lord has given me a plan for the homeless and poor but I still don't feel like it is enough. I know Levi is tired of hearing it, but it always tends to come up in conversation. I am thankful for this, don't get me wrong....but man, brokenness for the poor in a country where most are poor is a hard cross to bear.
4. Tate is waiting on the skill to crawl. He is trying so hard these days! He gets on all fours and falls forward to get what he wants...soon!
5. Wyatt is always waiting to do something! A "chill" day doesn't really exist in his vocab unless he is with his daddy. If Levi has to go get the car fixed, ect. I send Wyatt to tag along and he is perfect the whole time. The moment I enter the scene, Wyatt becomes needy again. I bet Levi gives him the "man up" speech!
6. Levi is so ready to get busy busy. He has lots of meetings and is on a 3 day trip right now, but he is just dying for rainy season to end so the roads can be open to do more.

And that is the run down of all that we are waiting for these days!

Change

Change...a word that describes my life all too well, almost day-to-day! Right now our "schedule" has been home a week (when I say "home" I am still referring to my friend's house in Meshobra that we are living in until a house in the area we want to live becomes open, which means we are still living out of boxes and will be until around October), and gone a week. We have been on great trips seeing new friends who plan on moving to our area in a year. Right now they are in language school so we are just trying to encourage them, ect.

Wyatt is so much fun these days and Indians spoil him rotten as always. He loves going to our friends' houses and never seems too uncomfortable. He eats at the table with a spoon and fork by himself, he tries to put on his clothes, he still loves ball and is now really into books and coloring, he loves his brother and can't get enough of him. We are almost over the bottle. He loves juice these days and can't get enough of it. He is a big helper and loves to "cook" with us. We let him sit on the counter with his mixing bowls full of random things like rice, flour, water, ect. and he has a ball. We have a routine at night where we read 2 books, the bible, then sing a silly song and a worship song, then pray and tell everyone goodnight. he likes to pray by himself. It brings tears to your eyes.

Tate is talking all the time (bah, bah, bah), sitting up, and laughing so much. He loves to be kissed! He still sleeps great and has two teeth on the bottom. I thought he was going to be my chilled baby but these days he is moving like crazy. We will see.

The Lord has been working and convicting my heart to live a life and teach my boys to live a life of giving. So today we are packing some of our cold weather clothes and taking them to some kids that really need them. How excessive we tend to be! My kids have 2 winter coats a piece while the kids down the road have thin shirts on that will hardly keep them warm. So Lord, forgive me for my greed and break my heart to meet needs around me. How dare I as a believer fail to take care of those the Lord created? May they understand a God who loves them so much more than I can.

Please continue to bear with us as we have internet that is similar to dial up at the moment! I am dying to post some new pictures, but it will take time.  Love you all and thanks so much for keeping up!

Shimla! Home away from home!

We are back in Shimla! Actually, we are in an area called Meshobra while we search for a house. After a week of searching, we have decided that we really want to live in an area. To find a house that has 3 bedrooms will take someone moving out of one so we are waiting...maybe until October! In the meantime, we are living at a friend's sister's house. She lives in America and bought this house to retire in one day. It is beautiful, and has been such a great transition house, but I must say that I LONG to unpack our bags and find a home of our own. In the meantime, it is time to get to work!

We have reconnected with old friends who are all pretty confused about Tate. When Wyatt left, he was not much bigger than Tate, so big boy Wyatt and baby Tate are catching some of our friends off guard! We are so thankful to say that many of those we left for 6 months have continued to go strong in the work and are seeing so many things happen!

Our boys are now old enough (and I am FINALLY not pregnant;) which means that we are heading into some of the villages that we (the boys and I) have not been able to get into. We are planning a trip soon. Right now, we are heading up to language school about 9 hrs. away to meet a new family that should be moving to our area in a year or so. They are from N. Carolina and have 3 kids. We can't wait to connect and encourage them as they trudge through this language time.

Wyatt- is awesome! ;) He loves it here in India and is always the center of attention which is his favorite place to be. When we go to our friend's houses, he gets any kind of food and drink he wants, does whatever he wants, and I rarely see him because he knows who will tell him no!  He is working on his namaste bow and hands, but everyone here is only speaking to him in Hindi so he will pick it up. He has blown me away by how comfortable he is with those he was close to before we left. When Tate wakes up in the mornings, Wyatt automatically wakes up and say's bubba, bubba. Yesterday he said, "Hey bubba" when I got Tate up from a nap. He loves to talk, runs around like crazy, and dances all the time. So much fun!

Tate- the sweetest baby in the world! He is chill, laid back and so precious! He loves for you to kiss him and every time you look his way he grins. He only cries when he is hungry and whimpers when he is sleepy. He sleeps from 7-7 and loves to nap all the time. He is so different than Wyatt! He likes to sit in the Bumbo chair or play with one toy. Wyatt was all over the place at this age and hated sitting still in the Bumbo chair! Wyatt hates to sleep and Tate hates to wake up! Tate will already sit and watch t.v. and Wyatt will beg to watch Elmo and sit for about 5 minutes at the most! But they are each so amazing and we are so thankful that they have already blessed the lives of so many here.

We are seeing all kinds of animals these days! Wyatt has already learned the word monkey and sees them all the time! We have way more monkeys than dogs around us! Levi's Hindi came back to him with no problems and I feel that he speaks better than when we left. Mine is coming slower (Levi says it is because I am always thinking about our boys and it is hard for me to concentrate) I blame it on my addiction to diet coke and how it is taking away my memory! :) Speaking of diet coke, it has finally come up the mountain to us! They have it in tiny cans and it is perfect way to start my early mornings off on a good note!

It is already cold! We are in the middle of rainy season so the monsoons bring the cold weather and we are in our jackets and blankets at night. Tonight we are staying in Chandigarh (a city about 4 hrs. away) and we are so hot we are sweating! The difference is crazy! Of course I am getting scolded every day because one of our boys doesn't have a hat on, or socks, or an undershirt...never fails I forget something that Indians believe is necessary for keeping these little ones healthy during the cold weather!

I guess that is enough info for now. We don't have internet in our house right now, so we can only get online at our friend's houses. My next post will have some pics...until then, may the Lord use you all to bring him Glory!